Tag: mom

Chunking My Time

Maximizing my time with a “to do list” ten miles long

We have all been there. A million things to do and not enough time to do it all. And there’s the logistics of how to get it all done. Running here will take an hour of my time. But I need to be here by 10. Which way should I go? Do I have enough time?

Today is a perfect example of that time for me. I needed to drive to my father’s home, pick him up, then drive 30 minutes east to pick up his car from the dealership. Which is 30 minutes back to my house. Did I mention it’s a 15 minute drive from my house to his house? Oh and I need to be home by 10:15 in order to leave to pick up my middle child from Preschool.

Great! No problem. I have plenty of time. Only I get home with 30 minutes until I need to leave again for Preschool pickup. Which I drove past to get home. No errands to do in town, so 30 minutes to wait.

Do you ever feel like 30 minutes just isn’t enough time to get anything done? Or maybe it is enough time but don’t want to start a project you can’t finish? Me too.

What worked for me today was that I needed to go over my father’s budget with him. (More on that later). He also needed a medication, which I keep at my home. So to use our time most efficiently, we took that 30 minute chunk between car dealership pick up and Preschool pickup, to go over his budget.

A big check off of our monthly to do list. Making this Chunk allowed me to get one thing checked off the list, instead of scrolling Facebook or Instagram to kill the time.

Chunking my time allows me to get more done without feeling the guilt of “I should be doing this” or even worse the “I don’t think I sat down today…..and have nothing to show for it” feeling.

Did you have a block schedule in school? We did. We had A days and B days. Each day we had 4 classes divided by lunch. Each “A day” was one set and “B day” was another set. Each day we got to focus on just 4 things. Instead of trying to quickly get all 8 of them done in one day.

I run my days similarly as an adult. There are chunks of time that I use to get things done. It allows me to focus on what I’m currently doing without feeling guilty about what else I’m supposed to be doing.

I have my typical days “A days” and then I have VA hospital appointment, drive all over town “B days.” They look different but each “day” has it’s own schedule that is pretty consistent.

The following is a typical “A day” with each chunk titled to give me focus on what I need to be doing.

6 am to 8:30 MORNING

Get kids awake, ready for school, and out the door to catch the bus, Get myself ready and nurse the baby

8:30 to 10:00 ERRANDS

This includes grocery shopping, going to the library, grabbing that over priced cup of coffee that calls my name, and walking the aisles of stores pretending I can afford to buy it all 🙂

10:30 to 12:30 PICKUP & LUNCH

I pick up my middle child from preschool and make lunch. Some light cleaning usually fits in while I prepare lunch and convince the children to eat.

12:30 to 2:30 NAP TIME

My 4 yr old doesn’t nap anymore, so this is her quiet time. She can read books, have a little screen time, or color. Meanwhile I put the baby down who demands to be attached to me at all times.

I tend to use this time to write, pay bills, order medication for my father, and plan out the month with appointments and varying schedules.

2:30 to 4:30 PICKUP, HOMEWORK, FAMILY TIME

This time is reserved for picking up my oldest or waiting for her bus. She then has to complete her daily homework. Once that’s done it’s time to finish cleaning the mess that was made throughout the day.

4:30 to 6:30 DINNER PREP, DINNER, DADDY TIME

My husband works later into the evening and gets home just as we are about to eat. So after dinner is focused on Daddy catching up with the kids.

6:30 to 10:30 BED

We work towards getting ready for bed by reading, showers, jammies, and teeth brushing. Once the kids are in bed by 7:30, my husband and I get some time to spend together.

“B days” Look quite different. That’s why, like in high school, those days have a different focus than “A days.” They are not consistent and leave little time for other activities. By focusing on what needs to be done on “A days” I keep myself on track. This way when “B days” come along I can shift my focus without sending myself days behind schedule.

Just a Mom

It was just a typical day. I had run my errands with the baby, and had just picked up my 4 year old from PreK.

“Mom. I know what I want to be when I grow up.”

“Oh really? What’s that?”

“I want to be a Principal.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“Do I have to go to school to do that?”

“Yes. You would need to be a teacher and then become a principal.”

“Oh I don’t want to do that. Mom did you HAVE to go to school?”

“No. I wanted to go to school.”

“No. I mean to be a Mommy? Did you have to go to school to JUST BE A MOMMY?”

I don’t think she yelled “JUST BE A MOMMY” but it felt like a knife in the heart.

When I was pregnant with my middle child I was in the middle of receiving my Bachelors. I took a year off and then started my master’s program. Me being in school is really all she knew.

Little did my 4 year old know that she struck me right where it hurt. I’ve been focusing on my education so deeply it had become who I was. Here I am 6 months post graduation and still JUST A MOM.

When I focus on everything else I need to take care of, I recognize that I am more than just a mom. Yet when my daughter pointed it out, it hurt. I had all of these ambitions while in school. I’m going to be a corporate woman. I’m going to be a boss woman.

The thing is, we are boss women. As Sandwichers we not only manage our lives, we manage our parent’s lives as well. We are the boss of so much. Sometimes we need to recognize that being “JUST A MOMMY” (as my 4 yr old put it) is a bigger job than what give ourselves credit for.

Sandwichers take on the role of so much for so many.

Who is the Sandwich Generation?

The Sandwich Generation term was originated by Dorothy Miller, a social worker. The term means to be “sandwiched” between caring for children and caring for aging or ailing parents.

The typical age for those in the sandwich generation is between 40 and 59 years. Sandwichers in this age bracket tend to have older adult children and parents in their elder age.

Then there are those like me. Young children, younger ailing parents, and just hit my 30’s. While different, the underlying feelings are the same.

We all feel the same “sandwich.” While each of us have different stories, different trials, and different ways to manage the day, we feel that squeeze.

The desire to do the best, to do more, to do it all, runs us into the ground. We lay in bed kicking ourselves because we forgot to do one thing. We toss and turn, analyzing every decision we made. We wonder are we really doing everything right?

The answer is, WE ARE.

We are only ONE person. We will doubt ourselves, spread ourselves thin, and sometimes lose ourselves in being everything for everyone else.

That’s okay. Just remind yourself, you are ONE person. You do not have to have all the answers. You do not have to do it all. Instead let’s take it one step at a time.

Introduction

While I wear many hats and play many roles, I’m Charlotte.

I am the mother to 3 children Roni (7), Josi (4), and Liam (1). My husband Jeryd and I are high school sweethearts from a “blink and you miss it” small town.

I am also the daughter of a disabled veteran. For the last 7 years I’ve cared for my father. I’ve driven hundreds of miles, to countless appointments, ordered hundreds of medications, and spoken with more specialists than I can keep track of.

In these last 7 years I’ve graduated not once but twice. Most recently with my Masters Degree. It is something I am incredibly proud of.

Yet, when I go to start my life I find myself asking, “But who am I really?” The heart of it comes down to, I am Charlotte, Mom, Caregiver, Wife, Friend.

Members of the Sandwich Generation find hardships in finding time for themselves, finances, and balancing their time. I understand. I live it each and every day.

Who Am I?

It’s hard to say exactly who I am. At any given moment I’m wearing multiple hats. Am I Mom? Am I a Caregiver? Am I a wife? Or am I just Charlotte?

Needless to say, I am all of the above. I am a member of what people call the “Sandwich Generation.” While raising my 3 children, I am also caring for my disabled father and step mother. No two days are the same and yet the years seem to pass on in a blur.

For 7 years I’ve been caring for my disabled Veteran father. This last year my step mother’s ailments have caught up with her too. From the physical to the mental disabilities, I’ve been privy to talking with specialists, doctors, emergency room teams, and Veterans waiting to be seen. All while carrying at least one child and typically entertaining two or more.

This blog will be the combination of finding myself and creating a community for other caregivers, moms, and everyone in between to find themselves as well.

I’ll share tips and tricks relating to managing schedules, dividing your time, and finding yourself. Your true self, outside of all the hats you wear.