Tag: Just a mom

Cut the bullsh*t

I started this blog in hopes of finding myself. 1 week into it and I feel more lost than ever. I feel like a fraud. I had high hopes that I would give tips and tricks on how to better manage your home, your sandwich status, finances, time, and life.

The reality is, I don’t know what I’m doing. I have these dreams and ambitions to be more, do more, and find out what I was meant to be.

I tend to start out with a dream and then it fizzles out because I fear I’m not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc. etc. etc.

The thing is I want all of those things. I want a career that I can stay home with my kids. I want to utilize my education, after all I spent 7 years getting it. I want to be a boss.

I want to be debt free. I want to have my time truly be my time. I don’t want to be told what to do with my time.

I also want to have a functioning home that doesn’t induce stress the minute I walk in……and I don’t mean the sounds of my children fighting (mom humor). I want to find a routine that works for me. I want less things in my home. Less things means less to clean.

I don’t want to trust anyone else to take care of my father. I know that I can do more and do better. The dream goal is that my husband opens his own business once I start working. The thing is, while I trust my husband, I don’t want him carrying the responsibility of caring for my father, while I’m working. But how can I work while also shouldering this responsibility?

Real talk…..I’m a 30 year old mom of three. I have a masters degree. I haven’t worked a real job in 8 years (since I was pregnant with my oldest). I am a caregiver to my disabled veteran father. I have also started taking on the care of my stepmother, who I have a horrible relationship with (think Cinderella without the ball and prince at the end, maybe a little less cleaning). My children are my life. But I want something more. I want something for myself. Yet, I feel like I’m being pulled in five thousand directions, none of which are my own.

I’m so busy running everyone else’s life…….I’ve only been living a fraction of my own. So it stops today.

I’m not going to pretend I have all of the answers. Because, I don’t. What I can tell you non-existent readers, future readers, or Charlotte 10 years from now, I’m just trying to figure it all out.

I don’t want to look back 10 years from now thinking “I should have done this.” Or “If I had only started then.”

So here we go. Welcoming my 30’s and documenting each step of the way.

Will you join me in finding myself?

Just a Mom

It was just a typical day. I had run my errands with the baby, and had just picked up my 4 year old from PreK.

“Mom. I know what I want to be when I grow up.”

“Oh really? What’s that?”

“I want to be a Principal.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“Do I have to go to school to do that?”

“Yes. You would need to be a teacher and then become a principal.”

“Oh I don’t want to do that. Mom did you HAVE to go to school?”

“No. I wanted to go to school.”

“No. I mean to be a Mommy? Did you have to go to school to JUST BE A MOMMY?”

I don’t think she yelled “JUST BE A MOMMY” but it felt like a knife in the heart.

When I was pregnant with my middle child I was in the middle of receiving my Bachelors. I took a year off and then started my master’s program. Me being in school is really all she knew.

Little did my 4 year old know that she struck me right where it hurt. I’ve been focusing on my education so deeply it had become who I was. Here I am 6 months post graduation and still JUST A MOM.

When I focus on everything else I need to take care of, I recognize that I am more than just a mom. Yet when my daughter pointed it out, it hurt. I had all of these ambitions while in school. I’m going to be a corporate woman. I’m going to be a boss woman.

The thing is, we are boss women. As Sandwichers we not only manage our lives, we manage our parent’s lives as well. We are the boss of so much. Sometimes we need to recognize that being “JUST A MOMMY” (as my 4 yr old put it) is a bigger job than what give ourselves credit for.

Sandwichers take on the role of so much for so many.